November brings a lot of talk about gratitude: Gratitude journals. Gratitude challenges. Lists of things we're thankful for.
I love gratitude. I believe noticing what is good can change the way we experience our lives.
But I don't believe gratitude requires pretending.
Sometimes life is hard.
Sometimes something hurts.
Sometimes Thanksgiving arrives during a year you would very much like to return for a refund.
You can acknowledge that, too.
Gratitude Doesn't Cancel Grief
Sometimes we use gratitude almost as a correction.
"I'm lonely...but I should be grateful."
"I'm hurting...but other people have it worse."
"I'm exhausted...but I have so much to be thankful for."
Both things can be true.
You can love your family and still struggle with a relationship.
You can be grateful for your life and still wish something in it were different.
You can feel joy and grief at the very same table.
Gratitude isn't a denial of what hurts. It's the decision to notice what is good alongside it.
Look for What Is Actually Good
Real gratitude doesn't have to be grand.
Maybe today it's sunlight coming through the kitchen window.
A text from someone who remembered.
Clean sheets.
A grandchild's laugh.
A warm mug between your hands.
Or, naturally, discovering there's still one really good piece of chocolate hidden where you left it. 😏🍫
You don't have to manufacture gratitude.
Just notice.
Let the hard things be hard.
And when something lovely appears beside them, let that be lovely too.
Healing gives us room for the whole truth.
Life can be difficult.
Life can also be beautiful.