Releasing Your Abuser and Freeing Yourself
This isn’t about forgiving or forgetting—it’s about reclaiming your power and peace.
You Don’t Have to Hold On to Him to Heal
When you've experienced abuse, it’s not just the relationship that wounds you—it's the ongoing grip the abuser can have on your thoughts, emotions, and identity long after the relationship ends.
Releasing your abuser doesn't mean you're pretending nothing happened.
It doesn’t mean you’re offering forgiveness when you’re not ready.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you’re forgetting the pain or the lessons you’ve learned.
Releasing is about removing him from the center of your life—so you can finally take your place there.
What “Releasing” Really Means
When you release your abuser, you're making a conscious choice:
To stop replaying the trauma, and instead fill your mind with present joys.
To give up the exhausting work of trying to make him understand your pain.
To stop basing your worth on his treatment of you.
To break the emotional tether that keeps your identity tied to the abuse.
You’re not erasing the past.
You’re choosing not to live under its shadow.
What This Is NOT About
Let’s be crystal clear:
This is not about forgiving before you're ready.
It’s not about forgetting or denying what happened.
It’s not about absolving someone who hasn’t taken responsibility.
It’s about this:
💥 You deserve to be the center of your own story again.
💥 You get to build a life that’s not ruled by fear or memory.
💥 You are allowed to let go of him without guilt, shame, or spiritual pressure.
Why It’s So Hard—and Why It’s So Important
Abusers are experts at staying in your mind, even when they’re out of your home.
You’ve been conditioned to anticipate, to apologize, to adjust. Even now, you might find yourself thinking:
“What would he say about this?”
“Would he approve of what I’m doing?”
“Am I allowed to feel this free?”
These are echoes of his control—but you are no longer under it. And even if you're still in contact, you can emotionally release him so his voice is no longer louder than your own.
How to Begin Releasing Him
You don’t have to wait until you feel strong or healed. Releasing starts with action:
Speak about him less. When you're ready, stop telling your story with him as the lead.
Interrupt the cycle. When you catch yourself ruminating, say out loud, “I release you. You are not in charge of my mind anymore.”
Replace the space. Fill the emotional gap with nourishing rituals—prayer, journaling, art, laughter, movement, community.
Grieve the fantasy. Mourn what you wanted the relationship to be. That grief is real and sacred.
Return to yourself. Every time your thoughts drift to him, gently guide them back to you.
It’s Time to Move Forward
You are allowed to free yourself. You are allowed to stop reliving his words.
You are allowed to be unavailable to his memory.
Let this be the season you walk away—not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
You don’t have to forgive to move forward. You just have to choose yourself.
And that choice is holy.
xo, Denalee