The Many Faces of Verbal Abuse—And How to Protect Yourself
Verbal abuse is often minimized or misunderstood.
Unlike physical abuse, its wounds are invisible—but just as damaging. Whether it's yelling, gaslighting, silent treatment, or subtle inferences designed to undermine your confidence, verbal abuse chips away at your sense of safety and self-worth.
Four Types of Verbal Abuse
Yelling is the most overt form. It’s loud, threatening, and designed to intimidate. But yelling isn’t just about raised voices—it’s about power and control. It sends a message: You don’t matter. Your voice is less than mine.
Gaslighting, on the other hand, is insidious. It's a manipulation tactic where the abuser denies your reality, making you question your memories, your emotions, even your sanity. “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re imagining things” are red flags.
Stonewalling (silent treatment) might seem passive, but it’s a powerful weapon of control. Withholding conversation, affection, or acknowledgment creates anxiety, guilt, and confusion in the recipient.
Inference, often overlooked, is verbal abuse delivered with a velvet glove. Think: “I guess some people just aren’t good at keeping things clean,” rather than a direct accusation. It’s meant to belittle, shame, and confuse—without offering the chance to defend yourself.
So how do you protect yourself?
Name it. Acknowledge what you’re experiencing as abuse. Denial delays healing.
Document it. Keep notes of incidents—dates, quotes, and feelings.
Don’t engage. You’re not required to explain, defend, or justify yourself.
Take protective action. This is you, boundarying up. Your boundaries are YOUR actions that protect you, not rules for the abuser to follow.
Build your support system. Abuse thrives in isolation. Reach out to safe friends, a coach, or trusted clergy.
Reconnect with your intuition. Trust the discomfort. Abuse always creates confusion. Clarity comes when you step back and honor your gut.
Verbal abuse may be invisible, but you are not. You are seen. You are worthy. And you can reclaim your peace.
You’ve got this!
xo, Denalee