How Abusers Rewrite History to Stay in Control
If you’ve ever walked away from an argument thinking, “That’s not what happened…” — you’re not alone.
One of the most insidious tactics abusers use is rewriting history — a form of gaslighting designed to protect their image and keep you off balance.
Abusers often deny, minimize, or completely flip the story to:
Avoid accountability
Shift blame onto you
Keep control over the narrative
Make you question your own memory or sanity
You might hear things like:
“I never said that.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“You’re the one who started it.”
“You’re always so dramatic.”
Even when you bring up very real events — something that deeply hurt you — they may twist it until you begin wondering, Was I overreacting? Did I misread it? Am I the problem?
That’s not miscommunication. That’s emotional abuse.
Rewriting history allows the abuser to maintain control — not just over you, but over the truth itself. And when truth becomes slippery, so does your ability to trust yourself.
Here’s the truth they’ll never admit:
You’re not imagining things.
You’re not too sensitive.
You didn’t “cause” their behavior.
The version of events you remember matters.
You don’t owe anyone agreement with their revisionist history.
You are allowed to stand in your truth — even if they never validate it.